Actually I have plenty of bad habits; this is just one. I often agree to do something way off in the future A therapist could probably have a field day figuring out why I do that. So invariably I'll say something like, "You know, I don't think I want to go [somewhere] after all Instead of saying something that I already know, like, "You always do this.
Just suck it up and go," or, "People are going to be disappointed if you don't go," my wife smiles and says, "I really hope you go. You'll have fun. You always learn things and meet cool people. And later, you're always glad when you do [that]. What can I do to help you get ready? In short, she doesn't make me feel bad for wanting to back out. She knows that's how I am, and instead of criticizing me, she's supportive and helps me work through it.
The right person knows there are things about you that you want to change, but they don't expect them to change overnight. They're willing, for as long as it takes, to help you work through your quirks. Showing patience is an under-appreciated way to show genuine confidence in your partner -- because it shows that, no matter the current struggles or issues, you truly believe in him. When I first changed careers, I really struggled. I worked impossible hours just to scratch out a semblance of the income I once generated.
But every time I talked about giving up, my wife kept me centered by gently reminding me that all the work I was doing would pay off if I stayed the course. I still work long hours, but the reward is much greater--and I've figured out how to have a lot of fun doing what I do.
No success is overnight. That's why, when your partner is patient with you -- while also encouraging you to work hard -- you can sometimes achieve things you never imagined possible. Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work , earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.
That's true for men and women: "Partner conscientiousness" predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants' level of conscientiousness. Check this out for more on how a good partner sets a good example and makes it possible for you to become a better you. Your partner doesn't talk about you ; they talk about the cool things you do.
We all know people who openly badmouth their significant others: complaining about what their partner does or doesn't do , criticizing their partner's decisions, questioning their partner's judgment, or work ethic, or manners, or When you love -- and respect -- the person you're with, you don't gossip about their personal failings.
You talk about their great qualities because you're happy for them Or, more likely, you don't say anything at all, unless asked, because quiet pride is the best pride of all. Some years ago I was in Nashville for Inc. The day Mark Cuban appeared, one young man spent the entire day manning the green room door. I started to feel sorry for him; here he was at this cool conference and yet he was stuck in a chair guarding a door in a lonely hallway.
So I stopped to talk. How can you keep it for eternity if it will not even survive for a distance of a few thousand miles? If your love can survive the test of space, then it might survive the test of time. Immortalize your love. Humans may be mortal, but powerful words and stories about them can become immortal. To immortalize the love you have for him or her, write a poem, compose a song, or even write a book about it.
Your physical body may die, but your quantum information may live forever. Make a perpetual loop. Entropy or the state of the disorder can tire out our love for one another.
Each day we face a new challenge that may exhaust its power or energy. To try to make your love last forever, you have to create a perpetual loop — a series of regular solutions to your relationship problems. In other words, you have to be more proactive than reactive. You have to be calm and stop overanalyzing or overcomplicating things, so as to conserve your energy and make it last for long.
So if your girlfriend or wife is losing some affection, go bring her to a romantic dinner and buy her the most beautiful flowers. Do it regularly. Be metaphysical. Love, not the physical or material features of your partner, but the things that are unseen, such as his or her kindness, trust, and love itself. Physical beauty fades along with our age. Money and other material possessions do not also last forever.
Thus, if you want to make your love last for eternity, love someone because of his or her eternal things. Love the things that both you and your partner can cherish even the two of you are already old. Give extraordinary love. Be a legendary lover, not an ordinary lover. Neediness is the enemy of long-lasting desire an important component of romantic love , according to psychologist and Mating in Captivity author Esther Perel.
Neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships -- which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability -- damper the erotic spark, Perel explains. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light. What is most interesting is that there is no neediness in desire. There is no caretaking in desire.
So if you're looking to keep that spark going, give your partner the space to do what they're good at -- and make sure to take the opportunity to observe them in their element, when they are "radiant and confident," says Perel. Psychologists have found that a strong passion for life can help to sustain passion in a life-long romantic relationship.
The Stony Brook University study examining personality qualities that predicted long-term passionate love found that individuals who exhibit excitement for all that life has to offer are more likely to find success in their romantic partnerships.
Whereas individuals used to be more likely to look to marriage for safety and security, the societal standard has shifted such that more men and women enter into marriage looking for self-actualization and personal fulfillment. Such a marriage can be more satisfying for both partners, but requires each partner to invest more time and energy into the partnership for it to be successful.
Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University wrote in a New York Times op-ed, describing this shift from companionate to self-expressive marriages. Rather than looking to marriage to serve our basic needs for survival and companionship, we're now seeing marriage as a vehicle for self-fulfillment. This new directive can help to facilitate long-term romantic love, so long as each partner is willing and able to put more of their resources into the relationship.
News U. The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included to year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than four years.
They also looked at 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples. The review found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships.
Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term. Couples who reported more satisfaction in their relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem. Feeling that a partner is "there for you" makes for a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic love.
On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship.
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